ichthyologist:

samspiderman:

ok we had to watch this in chem class

that sexual tension

that spill was not an acciden

emilioestevez:

emilioestevez:

last friday me and my bestfriend when to a party and got shitfaced. when we woke up the next day he had a tattoo of his dog on his arm with “mi amigo” underneath

classy-littlefuck:

my dad went through my school blazer and found this, he called me into the living room and was like “I won’t tell mum but Annie.. why do you have marijuana in your school pockets ?” I’m like what the fuck… and he showed me this and I’m like “dad thats a vegetable packet I didn’t eat from my chicken noodles I had from lunch today.. Look closely you can see the carrots and peas..”

And he’s like “you’re a fucking little shit”

rockandr0llstar:

tyleroakley:

And that’s how you review a Chris Brown album.

YES this gives me hope for journalism 

oraphis:

Pretended to die to see how my dog would react.

hussiempreg:

fartass:

There are so many things that kill me about this video every time I see it, without fail.

• the deadpan, completely apathetic look on the kid’s face - the entire time, not just while he was touching his weiner, which is fucked up enough
• the soft, acoustic music playing in the background, like little Ricky went through the trouble to put on his Iron & Wine CD before laying in bed fully-clothed and jerking it
• his mom’s mechanized, monotone reaction, like she’d memorized that speech from his third birthday onward and went into his room every day with the expectation of finding her creepy son with the dead face jerking off in his bed

nicklugo:

Cool Guy has Chill Day

fonmasterguard:

So no one at my friend’s old high school is allowed to dress up for halloween anymore because one year this kid came to school on a bike wearing a red jumpsuit with tampons taped to him. He rode around the school telling people he was the menstrual cycle

My little boy David loves watching the Fantastic Four films, he especially loves Chris Evans and spends a lot of time playing at being Johnny Storm. I have to play the baddie and he defeats me. He’s got his walls covered with Johnny Storm pictures too and he knows all the lines. We were recently staying with my best friend Tom who lives in Manchester, England and found out that Chris Evans was coming to town. David was disappointed to find that we’d have already left before the film crew arrived so he sat down and made a card with some pictures for Chris Evans and wrote him a little note. I’ve never seen him sit so long at a table and concentrate! I wish I’d scanned it but I never thought. On the front he did a little picture of Johnny Storm flying across the sky and inside another picture of a scene from the first movie with some speech bubbles and he wrote a little note to Chris saying he was his favourite actor. His ‘uncle’ Tom promised he’d try to get it to Chris Evans for him. 

Tom took the card to the film site but security was so tight that he couldn’t get near anyone so he left the card with a note saying who it was from and that he was sorry not to get to take a photo for David’s birthday which was soon. The security guy told him to write down his address and he’d try to find someone to pass it to but made no promises as everything was crazy. That was on Friday 24th Sept. The following morning Tom received a special ‘next day delivery’ from Chris Evans! In it was a brilliant photo of Chris holding up David’s little card, a birthday card with a message from Chris Evans, he’d also signed two BluRay DVD covers with a little message on each for David. On one it said ‘FLAME ON!’ and was signed and on the other it said ‘DREAM BIG, BUDDY’ and was also signed. 

It was David’s birthday yesterday. When he saw the card from Chris he read it, looked up, read it again, asked us to read it for him then he just stared at it grinning just repeating, ‘‘really? not really! really? is it real?’’ When we told him what had happened he started to tremble a bit, ran to his room, ran back again and basically didn’t know where to put himself. He had actually seen the photo before his birthday but we’ve now had it framed and he knew about nothing else. For the rest of the day he kept running back to the card and picture to look at them for the millionth time. We haven’t been allowed to play the DVDs yet as they have to stay on display and no-one’s allowed to touch them. When he’d gone to bed at the end of the day, we were tidying the mess up and had a big panic because we couldn’t find the photo! We were just getting desperate when David’s older sister had an idea. She checked under his pillow and it was there! {x}

robbsnark:

vampireweakend:

jootybuice:

The Strokes. The Black Keys. One Direction. MGMT. Arctic Monkeys. Foster The People.

WHICH ONE DOES NOT BELONG

foster hte people

yeah foster the people